Rift…

image

How many more trips
around Our sun
do I have?

30?…40?

How many more times
will we be here?

I think you reached
out to me this time…
I didn’t feel it

I think maybe
This time..
you
Called out to me
but I didn’t hear you

The wind is so
loud in this place
it screams and screeches
in my Ears

When I finally
looked
You are standing with
your back to me again

It’s my fault…

I watched this chasm grow
between us

And I am so afraid to talk about it.
Because I’m scared you could see it too.
And neither one of us did anything to stop it.

I cope better believing I’m the only one who sees it…

each year
I’d shrug my Shoulders and say
“That’s no big deal. I could jump that.”

And I probably could
even now….

I could grab that needle
and jam it into My arm
Push through the pain
because We both know
This pain is not the real pain
this is not really the point
at which it hurts

That comes later
When the supply runs out

But I remain sober
and sober means
I am on life support
I am the only person in the Theater
I am alone on this path again

The reality of My situation
These black hounds
Follow me relentlessly

Who can blame them?

I encourage them to follow
each time I try to rest
doubled over
groaning

I leave a crimson trail
in the snow
dripping sanity from
this self inflicted wound

It’s amazing and terrifying
To actually feel your
Mind breaking…

Each time I stumble
to my knees
They yip and they whine

And they test my defenses…

I struggle to my feet
I scream your name into the dark
beyond the firelight

I wave my arms
and my Torch
frantically swinging at nothing

Puffing out my chest
TRY
making myself look
Bigger
Taller
Younger
Stronger
Attractive
Fearless

Anything to let them know
I am not the easy prey they take Me for
I will still fight ferociously, for this life
Even if there are rooms in my heart
we no longer visit together

“FUCK YOU! I’m not dead yet,”

They yelp and they whine
They stay just outside My reach

reach inside and pull out
another piece of Me
I can live without

Throw it as far as I can…

They’ll scamper after it
They’ll roar and growl
They’ll take bites out of each other
fighting over the scraps

This buys Me time
lets me get a few hours ahead
of them

Lets me find some shelter for the night

I am so tired
And I’ve got miles and miles
To go

The thing that bothers
Me the most
Is I don’t feel the cold
Anymore…

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About Eric

Writer/Plumber/Poet/Father/Gentleman/Romantic
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29 Responses to Rift…

  1. VictoryInTrouble says:

    Oh, honey, you are thinking about some tough things tonight. Hugs, my friend. ❤

  2. Rita says:

    😥 my heart makes room for you, my Brother.

  3. So many emotions here…
    Hugs Jackie69

  4. moonskittles says:

    Vertigo and sick to my stomach.. somethings don’t know how to hush.. Sending you hugs!

  5. Sabiscuit says:

    You have enough trips to make a world of difference.

  6. rachel says:

    “It’s amazing and terrifying
    To actually feel your
    Mind breaking…”

    Love you. ❤️

  7. Geetha B says:

    It is sad when we drift away from each other and it is sadder when we drift away from our most loved ones. It is dramatic when we drift away from ourselves. Powerful write Eric. The lucidity of it all is painful.

  8. An abundance of love and hugs for you! ♥

  9. So much love. I can so relate to the emotions in this poem. I feel you! xx

  10. Beautiful depth and pain in this, Eric. It’s stunning in its beauty of the ugly truths we face. 💗

    This:
    “I leave a crimson trail
    in the snow
    dripping sanity from
    this self inflicted wound”

  11. mandibelle16 says:

    Such pain. Told boldly and with suffering great.

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